What the heck. It's been so long. Thought Id stop in, drop my thoughts, and get the heck out. I do plan on eventually updating... I have lots of drawings... but I just dont have my scanner hooked up to my computer. It hasnt been working right. Maybe if I get my sanity back... anyway, I have a few projects I need to do so Im going to be working on those. I have a few new things going on in my life also, looking for a new job because its about that time, thinking about school and what I want to do permanently... Im in a new relationship with a really great guy... <3<3<3 ...and he supports my creativity and is creative himself which I find amazing.

Id like to say hey and hello to all the people I hardly talk to anymore and you know who you are... you arent forgotten, just sadly neglected and Im sorry... Liz, Mich, Harms... and Jenny and ITE-san and Hinamori and my former GD buddies and my devart friends that I have barely spoken to... I just dont have time for here anymore, plus a bad internet connection makes it way too frustrating. All my Snape pals I wish I had more time to talk to and swap art with... Im thinking of all you guys. Especially since the last movie was so great... <3... totally great...

Anyway had a lot on my mind lately. Things are changing, and thats not a bad thing. But I get kinda scared sometimes. Im trying to clean up myself, inside, as well as putting all my stuff in its place too, all the junk Ive compiled that I truly pay so little attention to anyway. Im going to sell some stuff... because theres really no need for me to have some things if in the end all they do is sit on a shelf and I dont even think about them for months at a time. It'd be different if I used them... of course, this doesnt apply to my figurines. Theyre decorative!!! They make me happy knowing I just have them But as far as clothes... hell I can live without clothes! LOL... or shoes! As long as I have all the Final Fantasy games XD hahaha ah a gamers curse. As long as I have arms to carry my Vampire Hunter D figurine, Ill be happy. hahaha. Things like that.

I have to start this drawing for my sisters coworker... its for the ladies mom, and its of her dad because he passed away. Only I dont know if I can do it, its complex and the pictures I was given are kind of small. But its important to try, at least. I have trouble with projects like this.. the last one I was given took me almost a year to complete. I hate deadlines but sometimes you need them... to motivate you. But I did kind of disappoint... both my client and myself. I never asked to be paid for the work because it was obviously ridiculous how long it took me to complete it... but it was a spectacular work, I must say. When I really concentrate, I can do great things. But its just needing that concentration, and the right working environment, and the force of motivation to actually keep working. Because if I stop, disaster. If Im distracted by anything, disaster. Art used to keep me skinny... because I would start a project and absolutely never stop until I was finished or nearing a closing point at which I couldnt further continue, like if the paint needed to dry before another application. During that time I wouldnt stop to eat, or rest, or use the bathroom lol... although Id often start with a drink nearby so that I wouldnt have to stop because of dehydration hehe. But it was a good diet system, dont you think? Id spend literally hours in front of the canvas or sketchbook. Now... its not like that... theres always some distraction. How do you get back from that? Really, its just a matter of forcing yourself... but its so hard, when mentally you absolutely cannot focus and just arent 'feeling' it. You cant create if you arent in the moment. At least, I cant. I havent been for a while. Lately Ive been getting lots of ideas though... Ive gone back to the old habits that used to get me inspired... taking long walks, for example. I used to just walk, because my restless nerves and energy pushed me to do so, without accompaniment but now I take my headphones along. Still, I cant seem to walk as long as I used to... its like I dont want the thoughts to come that used to torment me so much. I try to distract them away with music. I used to not be able to escape them. If I can clean up my clutter... I might have a chance to start creating again. And focusing again on whats always been important to me. All that creativity.

Well thats enough of a ramble to suit anyone. Goodnight all. Love!!!

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